ANCC Impact Men · Course 5 of 7
Love That Shows Up
Healthy friendship, family relationships, fatherhood and belonging in every season of life.
Single, married, separated, divorced, widowed and childless men, fathers and father figures. The course does not assume that every man has or wants a partner or children.
Read at your own pace or ask ANCC about current group arrangements. Meeting dates, venue, access, costs and trained leaders are confirmed separately. You can listen, ask questions or pass. Your private reflections belong to you.
For a paper workbook, use your browser menu to print this page or save it as a PDF. You can also write your responses in a private notebook.
What you will practise
- Practise attentive listening and a respectful boundary.
- Choose one concrete action that strengthens a safe relationship.
- Understand the difference between ordinary conflict and abuse, and know when specialist support is needed.
Your six sessions
- 1. You belong in every season
- 2. Listen before solving
- 3. Partnership with respect
- 4. Present fathers and safe father figures
- 5. When relationships fracture
- 6. Leave a legacy of faithful presence
Read each Bible passage in its full context using NIV or another suitable translation. The teaching and exercises below are original ANCC material. The course offers Christian learning and companionship; professional health, safeguarding, financial and legal needs require the appropriate support.
Before you begin: Some sessions address distress, suicide concerns, abuse, sexual integrity or loss. You may skip a topic, pause or ask for an individual conversation. Facilitated groups require appropriate leader preparation and support arrangements. No personal disclosure is expected.
Session 1
You belong in every season
Read Mark 3:31–35 and 1 Corinthians 7:7–8
Recognise the value of men in different relationship and family circumstances.
Jesus speaks about a family formed around doing God’s will. Paul recognises that people’s circumstances and gifts differ. Christian community should therefore make room for men whose lives do not fit a single household pattern. Marriage and fatherhood can be good gifts, but they are not measures of personal value or spiritual maturity.
A man may be single by choice, hoping to marry, widowed, separated, divorced, childless or a carer. He may carry grief that is invisible to others. Casual jokes, assumptions about sexuality or constant questions about marriage and children can make a group harder to enter. Ask how a person wants to describe his life.
Belonging becomes practical through invitations, shared responsibilities and respect. Include ordinary friendship and intergenerational community alongside family activities. A man should not have to become a substitute father or volunteer carer in order to earn a place. We can each receive care and contribute within appropriate boundaries.
Talk it through
- How does Jesus expand the picture of family?
- What assumptions about adult men might exclude someone?
- How can a group include different seasons without intrusive questions?
- What would belonging look like in an ordinary week?
A fictional situation
A widower stops attending because every event assumes couples will come together. Another man is tired of questions about why he has no children. What practical changes could the ministry make?
Practise together or privately
- Review three possible invitations and identify assumptions about relationships, money, mobility and family.
- Rewrite one invitation so that a man can attend alone without explanation.
- Privately map relationships where you can both give and receive friendship. Include connections outside your household.
In your own workbook or notebook
A part of my present season I want respected
A relationship I would like to strengthen
An inclusive invitation I could offer
During the week
Offer or accept one ordinary invitation. Make it easy for the other person to decline without giving a reason.
Optional prayer
Father, help us recognise one another as people of equal dignity and make room for every season of life. Amen.
Session 2
Listen before solving
Read James 1:19 and Proverbs 18:13
Practise understanding another person before offering a solution.
Both passages challenge the impulse to answer before listening. A quick solution can communicate that the speaker’s experience is an inconvenience. Listening gives space to understand what happened, what it means to the person and what kind of response they want. It does not require agreement with every conclusion.
Begin with a simple question and let the person finish. Reflect what you heard and check your understanding. Then ask whether they want listening, prayer, information or practical help. Advice is more useful when it answers an actual request. Avoid making another person’s story an opening for a longer story about yourself.
Good listening includes boundaries. You do not need to accept insults, threats or demands for unlimited access. You can pause a conversation and return when it is safe. Where there is coercion or abuse, communication techniques alone are inadequate. Safety and specialist help take priority over preserving the appearance of harmony.
Talk it through
- What do the passages say about the timing of a response?
- What makes you feel heard in a conversation?
- How could a listener check what kind of support is wanted?
- When should a conversation pause for safety or specialist help?
A fictional situation
A friend says he feels lonely. Before he finishes, someone explains that he should get married. What has been missed, and what could the listener ask instead?
Practise together or privately
- Use an everyday, non-sensitive topic. One person speaks for ninety seconds while the other listens without interruption.
- The listener summarises and asks, “Have I understood?” The speaker can correct the summary.
- Swap roles and then practise asking what kind of response would be helpful.
In your own workbook or notebook
What I tend to do instead of listening
A question that helps me understand
One conversation in which I will practise this
During the week
Practise attentive listening in a safe relationship. Do not turn it into a test for the other person or insist on a response.
Optional prayer
Jesus, slow my urge to answer and help me give another person my attention. Amen.
Session 3
Partnership with respect
Read Ephesians 5:21–33 and Colossians 3:12–14
Discuss commitment, mutual dignity and shared responsibility without using Scripture to justify control.
Read the whole movement of Ephesians, beginning with mutual submission and the call to love in a way shaped by Christ’s self-giving. Christians have different interpretations of some household language, but no interpretation authorises coercion, violence, sexual pressure or financial control. The dignity and safety of each person must remain clear.
Healthy partnership involves truthful conversation about time, money, care, affection and responsibility. It does not assume that paid earnings determine a person’s voice or worth. Men can ask whether they share the mental and practical work of a household and whether another person can safely disagree with them.
For men who are single or no longer in a relationship, these principles still inform friendship and future choices. For men experiencing abuse, support and protection are appropriate. For men using abuse, responsibility includes specialist help and accepting boundaries. A men’s Bible course cannot establish that an unsafe relationship is ready for reconciliation.
Talk it through
- What does the passage say about the pattern of love?
- What does mutual dignity require when people disagree?
- Which household responsibilities are easy to overlook?
- Why is coercion different from ordinary disagreement?
A fictional situation
One partner earns more and therefore claims the right to control all spending and prevent the other from seeing friends. The man describes this as spiritual leadership. How should the group challenge that claim?
Practise together or privately
- List ordinary household and caring tasks without assigning them by gender.
- In a safe relationship, identify one responsibility you can own rather than waiting to be asked.
- Privately check whether a conversation or exercise would be safe. If there is fear or control, seek specialist support instead of trying a joint exercise.
In your own workbook or notebook
A responsibility I can share more fairly
A boundary that protects mutual dignity
An appropriate source of advice or help
During the week
Complete one agreed practical responsibility in a safe relationship. If abuse is present, use specialist support rather than a relationship task.
Optional prayer
God, teach me a love that honours freedom, dignity and responsibility. Amen.
Session 4
Present fathers and safe father figures
Read Ephesians 6:1–4 and Mark 10:13–16
Choose age-appropriate ways to be attentive and safe around children.
Ephesians tells fathers not to provoke children and connects parenting with patient instruction. Jesus makes room for children when others treat them as interruptions. Both passages challenge an adult-centred pattern in which children must manage the emotional needs of the adults around them.
Presence can be ordinary: listening without a phone, keeping a small promise, showing interest in a child’s activity or apologising for an unfair response. It includes respecting the child’s developmental stage and boundaries. Children should not be made confidants for adult conflict or pressured to provide affection.
Not every man is a father, and some cannot safely or legally have contact with their children. Respect court orders, safeguarding plans and the wishes and safety of those affected. Father figures and mentors serve only within approved roles and supervision. No course, good intention or personal testimony replaces safer recruitment and the checks appropriate to a role.
Talk it through
- What does Ephesians ask fathers to avoid?
- What does Jesus’ response communicate about children’s value?
- What does reliable presence look like at different ages?
- Which boundaries protect children and responsible adults?
A fictional situation
A man wants to mentor a teenager privately because he had a difficult childhood himself. He proposes personal messaging and unsupervised trips. What process and boundaries must come before any role is considered?
Practise together or privately
- Plan a short, affordable shared activity suitable for a child’s age and needs, or choose an adult friendship activity if fatherhood is not your context.
- Name the child’s choices, supervision and safeguarding arrangements that must be respected.
- Practise an adult apology that does not ask the child to comfort the adult.
In your own workbook or notebook
An appropriate act of attentive presence
The boundaries and permissions it requires
A promise I can realistically keep
During the week
If appropriate and permitted, give focused time to a child in your care. Otherwise practise reliable presence in an adult relationship or approved community role.
Optional prayer
Jesus, help us make room for children with patience, respect and safe boundaries. Amen.
Session 5
When relationships fracture
Read Romans 12:9–21
Distinguish responsible peace-making from pressure to resume unsafe contact.
Paul calls believers to sincere love and, as far as it depends on them, to live peaceably with others. The wording recognises that one person cannot control every outcome. We can take responsibility for our conduct without requiring another person to restore trust or resume contact.
Ordinary disagreements may benefit from a clear account of what happened, listening, an apology and a practical agreement. Abuse requires a different response because power, fear and safety are involved. Do not use mediation, joint prayer or a couple’s exercise to address coercive control. A qualified specialist should guide the response.
Separation, divorce, estrangement and bereavement may involve grief as well as practical decisions. Friendship can help a man remain connected while he receives suitable legal, financial, pastoral or therapeutic advice. Avoid taking sides on incomplete information or turning a private situation into group discussion. Peace-making includes respecting necessary boundaries.
Talk it through
- What does “as far as it depends on you” recognise?
- Which responses in the passage are within a person’s control?
- How is abuse different from ordinary conflict?
- How can a friend support someone without becoming an investigator?
A fictional situation
After separation, a man asks the group to contact his former partner and persuade her to meet him. She has asked for no contact. What response respects boundaries and offers him appropriate support?
Practise together or privately
- Use a fictional minor disagreement to write an account of actions and effects without accusation.
- Identify what is within each person’s control and what must remain a free choice.
- Privately choose whether your situation needs ordinary conversation, specialist advice, protection or no contact.
In your own workbook or notebook
What I can responsibly change
A boundary I must respect
The right support for my circumstances
During the week
Take a safe, proportionate step. Do not send an apology, arrange a meeting or involve others if doing so would break a boundary or safeguarding plan.
Optional prayer
God, guide us towards truth and peace while protecting those who need safety. Amen.
Session 6
Leave a legacy of faithful presence
Read Psalm 78:1–8 and 2 Timothy 2:1–2
Choose sustainable commitments that help others grow while respecting their agency.
Psalm 78 describes passing on the story of God so that another generation may put its hope in him. Paul asks Timothy to entrust what he has learned to reliable people who can teach others. Both passages direct attention beyond personal achievement towards faithful transmission.
Legacy is visible in the experience other people have of us: whether we keep promises, listen, repair mistakes and make room for their growth. A man does not need biological children, wealth or a public position to contribute. Ordinary friendship, approved mentoring, skilled work and patient service can all matter.
A sustainable commitment names what you can offer and what you cannot. It includes training, boundaries and a route for concerns. Receiving care remains part of mature community; helping others does not mean you no longer need support. Choose a small action that can continue after the energy of the course has passed.
Talk it through
- What is being passed on in these passages?
- How could someone without children contribute across generations?
- What makes a mentoring or caring commitment safe and sustainable?
- What would others notice if your relationship plan worked?
A fictional situation
A retired man believes he has nothing to offer because he is no longer employed. A younger man needs encouragement navigating a first job. Design a modest, approved adult mentoring arrangement with clear boundaries.
Practise together or privately
- Choose two relationship commitments for the next month, including one way to receive support.
- Name the consent, training or safeguarding process required before acting.
- Set a review with one person who has agreed to be involved. Focus on conduct and learning rather than admiration.
In your own workbook or notebook
Two realistic relationship commitments
A boundary or process I will honour
How I will review my presence and reliability
During the week
Use the relationship plan for thirty days. Ask a safe and willing person what helped and what needs to change.
Optional prayer
Lord, help my presence become a source of care, integrity and hope for others. Amen.
Your next thirty days
Create a relationship action plan with two small commitments, an appropriate boundary and a review date. Contact with another person always depends on safety and consent.
Choose one priority, a first action and a review date. Agree any support with the person involved, respect boundaries and adjust the plan to your circumstances.
Activities to explore
- A shared meal with mixed ages and backgrounds.
- An optional supervised dads and children activity after safeguarding arrangements are confirmed.
- A practical act of friendship or care for someone who agrees to receive it.
These are course activity ideas, not confirmed events. Contact ANCC for current arrangements.
Further learning
Care for the Family Who Let The Dads Out
Restored domestic abuse training
External resources are optional. Links do not imply partnership, endorsement or accreditation. Use each provider’s materials under its current terms. Resource and support links checked 31 October 2026.
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