ASSESS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

As teen expert Josh McDowell has said, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”

Considering that your teen’s emotions and behavior are being affected by a surge of changing hormones, it’s vital for you to maintain as strong a relationship as possible in the midst of whatever they may be going through. If you have a solid relational foundation, you can build from there. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), you can hope that your unconditional love and forgiveness will ultimately draw your teen back. Ask yourself several questions to evaluate the status of your relationship, such as…

Is our relationship generally healthy with a few bumps, or generally unhealthy with rare moments of connection?

Am I spending time with my teen doing things we enjoy together to create a solid foundation for when tensions occur?

Does my child feel deeply loved or heavily criticized? (1 Peter 4:8)

Are my spouse and I on the same page – or is there increased tension because we are not?

Has the relationship deteriorated to the point we need pastoral or professional guidance?

What if the relationship is weak? Maybe you’ve been relationally disconnected for a long time, or maybe your teen is a stepchild who has never really accepted you as his or her parent. Even under these and similar circumstances, you earn respect by building relationship. Making yourself available, listening, and trying to understand increase your ability to have influence.

Dr. James Dobson stresses the value of routine family connections as a way to cultivate relationship. He cites research showing the positive difference parents make when they are available for their teens in the morning, after school, at dinnertime, and at bedtime. If your current routine is making these connections difficult, it may be time for a change.